Gone

I decided to sit down and clean up my emails tonight. I started from the most current and worked my way backwards....until I got to emails written and received before April 11, 2009. Emails between me and my sister discussing what Xmas present we would buy our dad, or an email letting her know I was on my way out the door to meet dad for lunch. So many emails that mentioned my dad. and after April 11....absolutely nothing. I just can't wrap my head around the idea that one day life is perfect and the next day it will never ever be that way again.

I have to stop myself from thinking about the idea that I might live to be 80 and have to live the next 30 or so years without him. How do you carry on knowing this? People who have lost someone always say "it gets better with time". I don't believe it. I think it gets worse.